Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
For All Mothers.........
Very touching poem by Yusoff Islam..
Who should I give my love to?
My respect and my honour to?
Who should I pay good mind to
After Allah and Rasulullah?
Comes your mother
Who next?
Your mother
Who next?
Your mother
And then your father
Cause who used to hold you
And clean you and clothe you?
Who used to feed you
And always be with you?
When you were sick
Stay up all night
Holding you tight?
That right no other
My mother
Who should I take good care of
Giving all my love?
Who should I think the most of
After Allah and Rasulullah?
Comes your mother
Who next?
Your mother
Who next?
Your mother
And then your father
Cause who used to hear you
Before you could talk?
Who used to hold you
Before you could walk?
And when you fell
Who'd pick you up?
Clear your cut?
No one but Your mother
My mother
Who should I stay right close to?
Listen most to?
Never say no to
After Allah and Rasulullah?
Comes your mother
Who next?
Your mother
Who next?
Your mother
And then your father
Cause who used to hug you
And buy you new clothes?
Comb your hair and blow your nose?
And when you cries who wiped your tears?
Knows your fears?
Who really cares?
My mother
Say Alhamdulillah
Thank you Allah
Thank you Allah
For my mother
Who should I give my love to?
My respect and my honour to?
Who should I pay good mind to
After Allah and Rasulullah?
Comes your mother
Who next?
Your mother
Who next?
Your mother
And then your father
Cause who used to hold you
And clean you and clothe you?
Who used to feed you
And always be with you?
When you were sick
Stay up all night
Holding you tight?
That right no other
My mother
Who should I take good care of
Giving all my love?
Who should I think the most of
After Allah and Rasulullah?
Comes your mother
Who next?
Your mother
Who next?
Your mother
And then your father
Cause who used to hear you
Before you could talk?
Who used to hold you
Before you could walk?
And when you fell
Who'd pick you up?
Clear your cut?
No one but Your mother
My mother
Who should I stay right close to?
Listen most to?
Never say no to
After Allah and Rasulullah?
Comes your mother
Who next?
Your mother
Who next?
Your mother
And then your father
Cause who used to hug you
And buy you new clothes?
Comb your hair and blow your nose?
And when you cries who wiped your tears?
Knows your fears?
Who really cares?
My mother
Say Alhamdulillah
Thank you Allah
Thank you Allah
For my mother
Khalifah Method of Effective Islamic Parenting
This is quite long but it is totally worth reading. Parents…Read & apply it…Best of Luck to all of us…
The Soul of your child is like an uncut precious jewel entrusted into your care by Allah. To you is given the awesome responsibility of shaping that precious jewel into a beautiful form, pleasing to the eye of Allah. It is your sacred duty to ensure your child grows up to be a good and right human being (Muslim). The oneness (tawhid) of Allah is also expressed in the unity of Islamic life. Raising your children to be good and right human beings is part of the necessary Islamization of world society. The simple fact is that it is very difficult, perhaps impossible, to raise your children to be truly good and right human beings in the world as it is at present.
Only in a fully Islamic world will the conditions exist where children will naturally develop into the good and right humans beings desired by Allah. That is the beautiful future we can offer our children, but to do this we must do battle with the influences of the present wrong world as we create that promised future for our children. We do this by learning the knowledge and skills it takes to be an effective Islamic parent, and developing in our hearts the unstoppable desire to put these skills and knowledge into practice in our everyday life as we aid our children in their development.
We are greatly blessed by Allah to be Muslims at this particular time in world history. The unique social and historical conditions, combined with new the knowledge and technology now available, make it not only possible but highly likely that within a generation or so we will live in that long unfulfilled dream of all Muslims, a truly Islamic world.
These unique conditions existing today are: the fact that the prevailing dominant world culture, the Western culture, is undergoing a widespread social collapse due to the inherent wrongness within its belief systems and behaviours; that the conclusions of modern science have finally reached a point where one must acknowledge science now supports the traditional beliefs in God and His works; that we have recently come to understand the laws of learning by which all human characteristics are developed; and, that we now have a worldwide communication network so effective that any important new idea could reach virtually every person in the world within days.
The result of these existing conditions is that: those suffering from the collapse of the Western way of life and thought are desperate for some solution to their distress and will see in Islam that much needed answer; atheism and secular materialism will lose their power to take the faith in Islam from our youth; through the spread of the knowledge of learning theory each new generation will come closer to the perfect expression of Islam in the physical existence; and, through the right use of communication technology a unified ummah of 1.2 billion Muslims will be able to effectively offer the traditional scholarship and knowledge of Islam to all the people of the world.
In the coming years there will occur many new opportunities for all Muslims to take an active role in the creation of this truly and fully Islamic world of the future. As a most important beginning to this momentous task it is necessary for every Muslim parent to learn and practice the techniques of effective Islamic parenting. The path to effective Islamic parenting consists of two parts, necessarily inseparable. They are an objective, accurate and positive worldview, combined with a good understanding of the laws of learning by which all human characteristics develop. This is necessary because the laws of learning are much too powerful to be used without a clear positive direction in which to influence the child’s development. Islam most certainly provides this clear, correct and positive direction, as Allah would never mislead us.
All laws in this physical universe belong to Allah, and the laws of learning, to the degree we correctly understand them, by which all human development takes place are created by Allah just as are the laws of physics which hold the moon, sun, and stars in place. These laws of learning provide the most powerful tool for directing the development of the individual or any social group that has ever existed. For a Muslim to be a truly effective Islamic parent it is necessary to understand Allah’s laws of learning
Just as Allah has made our religion easy for us, Allah has made the laws of learning easy for us to understand and use. Actually, these laws of learning in their entirety can be quite complex, and to fully comprehend these laws and understand their widest application can take many years of study. Nevertheless, all thanks to His Mercy, Allah has allowed anyone hearing a brief and simple explanation of these laws of learning to be able to use most of their incredible power. This easily understood knowledge of the laws of learning is more than enough to enable a parent to raise their child as a good and right human being.
It is important that knowledge of these laws of learning and their use should never be seen as somehow separate from the unity of Islamic life. To be most effective in helping you raise your children, these laws of learning are not to be ‘applied’ like some mechanical tool, but they must be incorporated deeply into the innermost reaches of your consciousness until they become a natural part of your unique style of interpersonal communication and interaction with your child.
In order to keep this explanation of the laws of learning both brief and simple it will be presented as a successive series of individual points, but made specific for use in effective Islamic parenting:
GENERAL LAWS OF DEVELOPMENT
1. Most basic premise – That any person or social group who possesses both a positive and accurate world view and an understanding of the laws of learning will move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.
2. An infant child comes into the world perfectly good and only becomes other than perfectly good while growing into adulthood due to the influences upon him/her during their years of development.
3. Human society is obviously not perfectly good at this point in history, in fact our world society has become so bad that some philosophers have made the claim that human nature is basically evil.
4. The reason so much evil exists in today’s world is not because human nature is basically evil, but because the influences we naturally encounter as physical beings in a material world tend most often to direct our development away from Allah.
5. The influences upon us come from three sources in our environment, the physical, the social (any influence coming either directly or indirectly from other people), and from inner speech (the influence of our own thoughts and feelings).
6. Every influence upon a us will have some effect greater than zero; and, while most of these will be very small, some can be so powerful as to be life changing.
7. The overall impact upon our development of any single influence from any of these three sources can be either negative or positive.
8. Every individual is subjected to many thousands of influences every day, some of these influences being directed toward evil and some being directed toward Allah.
9. To overcome the influence of evil (movement toward the material) and move toward Allah (the spiritual) takes consistent and concentrated effort.
10. If we do not recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we will go whichever way the influences take us, thereby too often moving away from Allah and toward evil.
11. If we can recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we can use the laws of learning to limit the affect of the negative influences upon us and to increase the affect of the positive influences upon us, thereby moving continuously away from evil and moving toward Allah.
12. When we see an influence upon us that we know would push us away from Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can take away the power of that negative influence.
13. When we see an influence upon us that we know would help us move toward Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can add greatly to the power of that positive influence.
14. As we learn to recognize all the influences upon us from the inner and outer realms of the environment, when we learn to correctly identify those influences as being either negative or positive upon our development, and when we learn to use our inner speech to say the correct things after each one of those negative or positive influences (which will reduce the power of the negative and increase the power of the positive), then we will begin naturally and inevitably to move away from all that is wrong and harmful, and we will begin to move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.
15. An individual who does these things cannot fail to become a good and right human being; and, a society that does these things cannot fail to become a good and right society.
GENERAL LAWS OF LEARNING
1. Basically, all laws of learning involve what is commonly called reward and punishment.
2. Any behaviour that is followed by reward (reinforcement) will tend to increase in the future.
3. There are two classes of reward: when something that is desired is given after a behaviour, that is reward (for example, if you were to smile at your child after he/she says something nice); and, when something that is disliked is removed after a behaviour, that is reward (for example, when your feeling of shame for some wrong you have done is removed by offering sincere repentance and seeking forgiveness from Allah).
4. Any behaviour that is followed by punishment will tend to decrease in the future.
5. There are two classes of punishment: when something that is disliked occurs after a behaviour, that is punishment (for example, if you were to hit your child after he/she says something rude); and, when something that is liked is removed after a behaviour, that is punishment (for example, if your child is not allowed to continue playing after hitting a playmate).
6. Punishment is always harmful to the child even if it seems to achieve the parent’s goal.
7. The undesirable side effects of punishment are: the child will sometimes try to escape from or retaliate (fight) against the punishing situation; the child will sometimes have negative feelings toward whoever punishes him/her; and, punishment usually remains effective only when the possibility of punishment is clearly present.
8. The alternative to punishment should not be permissiveness (meaning to let your child do anything they want), if there is anything more harmful to the child’s development than punishment it is permissiveness.
9. The right alternative to punishment in raising a child is called directed positive influence.
10. Directed positive influence means to reward (with praise, attention or an occasional small gift) your child after they do things that are good and right, while gently providing correction when your child does wrong.
11. The younger you start using directed positive influence with your child the easier it will be for you and the more effective it will be in helping your child develop into a good and right human being.
12. To provide effective Islamic parenting you must understand the concept of ‘shaping’.
13. Shaping is the consistent rewarding of successive small steps toward any desired goal for your child.
14. With the shaping process correctly and consistently in effect there is no positive goal that cannot be achieved.
15. Set every goal at perfection, being rewarding of successful steps along that unending path but never punishing the non-arrival at that perfect goal.
16. The beginning steps in the shaping process should be kept small so they are easily accomplished successfully.
17. If during the shaping process you make any step so large that it cannot be accomplished then the progress toward the desired goal will come to a stop, and often revert back to a much less desired level.
18. Lots of reward should be given at the beginning of the shaping process and then should be gradually reduced in the later stages.
19. If reward is given after every behaviour in the shaping process this is called ‘continuous reinforcement’.
20. Continuous reinforcement is very good for getting progress toward some desired goal underway.
21. The problem with continuous reinforcement is that the behaviour can become too dependent on the reward, and could stop quickly if the reward stops.
22. If reward is given not after every behaviour in the shaping process but after only some behaviours this is called ‘variable reinforcement’.
23. Variable reinforcement is a good way to maintain progress toward a desired goal without the behaviour becoming too dependent on the reward, so that your child does not always expect to be rewarded for their right behaviour.
24. To make the shaping process most effective you should teach your child how to reward their successful progress with inner speech, their own thoughts and feelings, so reward from others is no longer necessary to maintain good and right behaviour.
25. It is good to always discuss your goals for your child with him/her so that you are consciously working together to achieve goals you both desire.
26. It will help your child greatly in their development if you can teach him/her the specifics of the laws of learning that you are using to help them become good and right human beings.
27. For most effective parenting everyone in the family group should be made aware of and helped to understand these laws of learning, should try to relate to each other on the basis of these laws of learning, and should share, appreciate and work together to achieve the desired goals.
SPECIFICS OF EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING
1. For Islamic parenting to be most effective there must be a truly Islamic society, so part of your responsibility as Muslim parents is to help recreate a right Islamic world.
2. Right Islamic parenting assumes a right Islamic marriage.
3. Parental love for their children is a Mercy from Allah, not only in humans but even in animals.
4. In Islam the love of a parent for their child is so taken for granted that it is not even thought necessary to state this as a requirement for parents.
5. In Islam the main responsibility the parent has to their child is to provide for their education (this is to be understood in the broadest possible sense, including all things that assist the child to become a good and right human being).
6. The Qur’an also places great responsibility on the child in regard to their parents, requiring the child to be kind to the parents, to help their parents in their old age, to never speak to their parents with contempt, to never reject their parents, to honour their parents, and to fulfill all these responsibilities with humility.
7. Every child should be taught from their earliest years about their responsibility as a vicegerent (khalifah) of Allah; that it is their duty as vicegerent to transform themselves into Muslims living in true submission to the Will of Allah, that it is their duty to transform all of human society into an Islamic society living in true submission to the Will of Allah, and that it their duty to transform the physical world of space and time into a garden paradise for Allah.
8. Raise your child to be a courageous Muslim, willing to struggle against evil in the greater and lesser jihad, as this will be necessary to create a right Islamic world for the future.
9. Raise your child to fully believe they will successfully create and live in a truly Islamic world, because belief is critical to successfully achieving any goal.
10. Anything that you believe will happen is more likely to happen because you will find ways (both consciously and unconsciously) to make sure it happens, and anything that you don’t believe will happen is less likely to happen because you will find ways to make sure it doesn’t happen; this fact is known as the ‘self-fulfilling prophesy’.
11. The parent should never let their love for their child prevent them from doing what is right for their child (for example neglecting to correct the child when he/she does wrong).
12. If there is a conflict of interests, the requirements of Islam have priority over the desires of the child (for example, if the child would rather play than pray).
13. Teach your child to love Allah, The Prophet, Islam, and Islamic values.
14. Teach your child to see all things and understand all things from the perspective of Islam.
15. In Islam if it becomes necessary to correct your child for some wrongdoing this must be done according to a certain hierarchy: first, explain to your child in a gentle way how they have overstepped some limit from rightness into wrong; second, if the gentle instruction does not result in the child correcting that wrong behaviour, you should indicate your disapproval of that wrong behaviour by withdrawing your favour (for example, do not give smiles, hugs or kind words to your child at such times); and third, only as a last resort, your child can be physically punished (beaten) if they do not correct the wrong behaviour.
16. In Islam if it becomes necessary for you to beat your child there are specific rules and limitations: you may not hit your child on the face or stomach, you may not hit your child more than a maximum of three times, and you may not hit your child hard enough to leave a cut or bruise on the skin.
17. You should never hit your child when you are angry, not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your punishment but doing so will teach your child that it is right to hit people when they are angry.
18. It is important to realize that if you reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done to avoid this becoming necessary.
19. It is a fact of learning that you cannot punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child.
20. Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never once hit a child, a woman or a servant.
21. Do not argue with your child, as there is almost never any benefit in doing so.
22. Although your child might well choose to pray at a younger age, at seven years of age your child should be required to pray through gentle encouragement; and, at ten years of age your child can be beaten for not praying, although this circumstance should never arise with correct Islamic parenting.
23. Your child should be taught to memorize the Qur’an, the benefits are many and much wider in scope than is often believed in these modern times.
24. At every age there must be appropriate rights given to your child and necessary limits set upon your child’s behaviour, which will allow your child to fully explore their human potential while not causing harm to themselves, harm to others or damage to their surroundings.
25. If you see your child doing something wrong it is usually not even necessary to mention the thing that is wrong, instead, it is often sufficient (and always more desirable) only to say how much you like the right thing which is the opposite of the wrong being done.
26. You should not expose your child’s failings or wrongdoings in front of others, if this must be done it is best if it be done privately.
27. Don’t give much attention to the bad or wrong things your child does and says, but give lots of attention to the good or right things your child does and says.
28. You should, of course, always love your child unconditionally, but you should only express that love at times which are most beneficial to your child.
29. You should at all times be a model of a good and right human being (Muslim) for your child.
EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING
Read each morning!!!
1. I am raising my child to be a successful vicegerent (khalifah) of Allah, who will help create a truly Islamic World.
2. Today I will try my best to know and understand all the influences upon my child’s development.
3. Today I will try my best to help my child understand the power of negative influences to take him/her away from Allah, and the power of positive influences to take him/her to Allah.
4. Today I will try my best to shield my child from the power of the negative influences to take him/her away from Allah.
5. Today I will try my best to enhance (increase) the power of the positive influences upon my child to take him/her toward Allah.
6. Today I will try my best to notice some positive things my child does or says, and tell him/her how much those things are appreciated by me and by Allah.
7. Today I will try my best to say nothing negative to my child. Even if I have to correct my child’s wrong behaviour I will try my best to find some positive way to do so.
8. Today I will love my child unconditionally, but I will try my best to express that love at times which are most beneficial to my child.
9. Today I will try my best to be an example of a good and right human being (Muslim) for my child.
10. Today I will pray for Allah’s help that I can be a good parent for my child.
The Soul of your child is like an uncut precious jewel entrusted into your care by Allah. To you is given the awesome responsibility of shaping that precious jewel into a beautiful form, pleasing to the eye of Allah. It is your sacred duty to ensure your child grows up to be a good and right human being (Muslim). The oneness (tawhid) of Allah is also expressed in the unity of Islamic life. Raising your children to be good and right human beings is part of the necessary Islamization of world society. The simple fact is that it is very difficult, perhaps impossible, to raise your children to be truly good and right human beings in the world as it is at present.
Only in a fully Islamic world will the conditions exist where children will naturally develop into the good and right humans beings desired by Allah. That is the beautiful future we can offer our children, but to do this we must do battle with the influences of the present wrong world as we create that promised future for our children. We do this by learning the knowledge and skills it takes to be an effective Islamic parent, and developing in our hearts the unstoppable desire to put these skills and knowledge into practice in our everyday life as we aid our children in their development.
We are greatly blessed by Allah to be Muslims at this particular time in world history. The unique social and historical conditions, combined with new the knowledge and technology now available, make it not only possible but highly likely that within a generation or so we will live in that long unfulfilled dream of all Muslims, a truly Islamic world.
These unique conditions existing today are: the fact that the prevailing dominant world culture, the Western culture, is undergoing a widespread social collapse due to the inherent wrongness within its belief systems and behaviours; that the conclusions of modern science have finally reached a point where one must acknowledge science now supports the traditional beliefs in God and His works; that we have recently come to understand the laws of learning by which all human characteristics are developed; and, that we now have a worldwide communication network so effective that any important new idea could reach virtually every person in the world within days.
The result of these existing conditions is that: those suffering from the collapse of the Western way of life and thought are desperate for some solution to their distress and will see in Islam that much needed answer; atheism and secular materialism will lose their power to take the faith in Islam from our youth; through the spread of the knowledge of learning theory each new generation will come closer to the perfect expression of Islam in the physical existence; and, through the right use of communication technology a unified ummah of 1.2 billion Muslims will be able to effectively offer the traditional scholarship and knowledge of Islam to all the people of the world.
In the coming years there will occur many new opportunities for all Muslims to take an active role in the creation of this truly and fully Islamic world of the future. As a most important beginning to this momentous task it is necessary for every Muslim parent to learn and practice the techniques of effective Islamic parenting. The path to effective Islamic parenting consists of two parts, necessarily inseparable. They are an objective, accurate and positive worldview, combined with a good understanding of the laws of learning by which all human characteristics develop. This is necessary because the laws of learning are much too powerful to be used without a clear positive direction in which to influence the child’s development. Islam most certainly provides this clear, correct and positive direction, as Allah would never mislead us.
All laws in this physical universe belong to Allah, and the laws of learning, to the degree we correctly understand them, by which all human development takes place are created by Allah just as are the laws of physics which hold the moon, sun, and stars in place. These laws of learning provide the most powerful tool for directing the development of the individual or any social group that has ever existed. For a Muslim to be a truly effective Islamic parent it is necessary to understand Allah’s laws of learning
Just as Allah has made our religion easy for us, Allah has made the laws of learning easy for us to understand and use. Actually, these laws of learning in their entirety can be quite complex, and to fully comprehend these laws and understand their widest application can take many years of study. Nevertheless, all thanks to His Mercy, Allah has allowed anyone hearing a brief and simple explanation of these laws of learning to be able to use most of their incredible power. This easily understood knowledge of the laws of learning is more than enough to enable a parent to raise their child as a good and right human being.
It is important that knowledge of these laws of learning and their use should never be seen as somehow separate from the unity of Islamic life. To be most effective in helping you raise your children, these laws of learning are not to be ‘applied’ like some mechanical tool, but they must be incorporated deeply into the innermost reaches of your consciousness until they become a natural part of your unique style of interpersonal communication and interaction with your child.
In order to keep this explanation of the laws of learning both brief and simple it will be presented as a successive series of individual points, but made specific for use in effective Islamic parenting:
GENERAL LAWS OF DEVELOPMENT
1. Most basic premise – That any person or social group who possesses both a positive and accurate world view and an understanding of the laws of learning will move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.
2. An infant child comes into the world perfectly good and only becomes other than perfectly good while growing into adulthood due to the influences upon him/her during their years of development.
3. Human society is obviously not perfectly good at this point in history, in fact our world society has become so bad that some philosophers have made the claim that human nature is basically evil.
4. The reason so much evil exists in today’s world is not because human nature is basically evil, but because the influences we naturally encounter as physical beings in a material world tend most often to direct our development away from Allah.
5. The influences upon us come from three sources in our environment, the physical, the social (any influence coming either directly or indirectly from other people), and from inner speech (the influence of our own thoughts and feelings).
6. Every influence upon a us will have some effect greater than zero; and, while most of these will be very small, some can be so powerful as to be life changing.
7. The overall impact upon our development of any single influence from any of these three sources can be either negative or positive.
8. Every individual is subjected to many thousands of influences every day, some of these influences being directed toward evil and some being directed toward Allah.
9. To overcome the influence of evil (movement toward the material) and move toward Allah (the spiritual) takes consistent and concentrated effort.
10. If we do not recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we will go whichever way the influences take us, thereby too often moving away from Allah and toward evil.
11. If we can recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we can use the laws of learning to limit the affect of the negative influences upon us and to increase the affect of the positive influences upon us, thereby moving continuously away from evil and moving toward Allah.
12. When we see an influence upon us that we know would push us away from Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can take away the power of that negative influence.
13. When we see an influence upon us that we know would help us move toward Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can add greatly to the power of that positive influence.
14. As we learn to recognize all the influences upon us from the inner and outer realms of the environment, when we learn to correctly identify those influences as being either negative or positive upon our development, and when we learn to use our inner speech to say the correct things after each one of those negative or positive influences (which will reduce the power of the negative and increase the power of the positive), then we will begin naturally and inevitably to move away from all that is wrong and harmful, and we will begin to move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.
15. An individual who does these things cannot fail to become a good and right human being; and, a society that does these things cannot fail to become a good and right society.
GENERAL LAWS OF LEARNING
1. Basically, all laws of learning involve what is commonly called reward and punishment.
2. Any behaviour that is followed by reward (reinforcement) will tend to increase in the future.
3. There are two classes of reward: when something that is desired is given after a behaviour, that is reward (for example, if you were to smile at your child after he/she says something nice); and, when something that is disliked is removed after a behaviour, that is reward (for example, when your feeling of shame for some wrong you have done is removed by offering sincere repentance and seeking forgiveness from Allah).
4. Any behaviour that is followed by punishment will tend to decrease in the future.
5. There are two classes of punishment: when something that is disliked occurs after a behaviour, that is punishment (for example, if you were to hit your child after he/she says something rude); and, when something that is liked is removed after a behaviour, that is punishment (for example, if your child is not allowed to continue playing after hitting a playmate).
6. Punishment is always harmful to the child even if it seems to achieve the parent’s goal.
7. The undesirable side effects of punishment are: the child will sometimes try to escape from or retaliate (fight) against the punishing situation; the child will sometimes have negative feelings toward whoever punishes him/her; and, punishment usually remains effective only when the possibility of punishment is clearly present.
8. The alternative to punishment should not be permissiveness (meaning to let your child do anything they want), if there is anything more harmful to the child’s development than punishment it is permissiveness.
9. The right alternative to punishment in raising a child is called directed positive influence.
10. Directed positive influence means to reward (with praise, attention or an occasional small gift) your child after they do things that are good and right, while gently providing correction when your child does wrong.
11. The younger you start using directed positive influence with your child the easier it will be for you and the more effective it will be in helping your child develop into a good and right human being.
12. To provide effective Islamic parenting you must understand the concept of ‘shaping’.
13. Shaping is the consistent rewarding of successive small steps toward any desired goal for your child.
14. With the shaping process correctly and consistently in effect there is no positive goal that cannot be achieved.
15. Set every goal at perfection, being rewarding of successful steps along that unending path but never punishing the non-arrival at that perfect goal.
16. The beginning steps in the shaping process should be kept small so they are easily accomplished successfully.
17. If during the shaping process you make any step so large that it cannot be accomplished then the progress toward the desired goal will come to a stop, and often revert back to a much less desired level.
18. Lots of reward should be given at the beginning of the shaping process and then should be gradually reduced in the later stages.
19. If reward is given after every behaviour in the shaping process this is called ‘continuous reinforcement’.
20. Continuous reinforcement is very good for getting progress toward some desired goal underway.
21. The problem with continuous reinforcement is that the behaviour can become too dependent on the reward, and could stop quickly if the reward stops.
22. If reward is given not after every behaviour in the shaping process but after only some behaviours this is called ‘variable reinforcement’.
23. Variable reinforcement is a good way to maintain progress toward a desired goal without the behaviour becoming too dependent on the reward, so that your child does not always expect to be rewarded for their right behaviour.
24. To make the shaping process most effective you should teach your child how to reward their successful progress with inner speech, their own thoughts and feelings, so reward from others is no longer necessary to maintain good and right behaviour.
25. It is good to always discuss your goals for your child with him/her so that you are consciously working together to achieve goals you both desire.
26. It will help your child greatly in their development if you can teach him/her the specifics of the laws of learning that you are using to help them become good and right human beings.
27. For most effective parenting everyone in the family group should be made aware of and helped to understand these laws of learning, should try to relate to each other on the basis of these laws of learning, and should share, appreciate and work together to achieve the desired goals.
SPECIFICS OF EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING
1. For Islamic parenting to be most effective there must be a truly Islamic society, so part of your responsibility as Muslim parents is to help recreate a right Islamic world.
2. Right Islamic parenting assumes a right Islamic marriage.
3. Parental love for their children is a Mercy from Allah, not only in humans but even in animals.
4. In Islam the love of a parent for their child is so taken for granted that it is not even thought necessary to state this as a requirement for parents.
5. In Islam the main responsibility the parent has to their child is to provide for their education (this is to be understood in the broadest possible sense, including all things that assist the child to become a good and right human being).
6. The Qur’an also places great responsibility on the child in regard to their parents, requiring the child to be kind to the parents, to help their parents in their old age, to never speak to their parents with contempt, to never reject their parents, to honour their parents, and to fulfill all these responsibilities with humility.
7. Every child should be taught from their earliest years about their responsibility as a vicegerent (khalifah) of Allah; that it is their duty as vicegerent to transform themselves into Muslims living in true submission to the Will of Allah, that it is their duty to transform all of human society into an Islamic society living in true submission to the Will of Allah, and that it their duty to transform the physical world of space and time into a garden paradise for Allah.
8. Raise your child to be a courageous Muslim, willing to struggle against evil in the greater and lesser jihad, as this will be necessary to create a right Islamic world for the future.
9. Raise your child to fully believe they will successfully create and live in a truly Islamic world, because belief is critical to successfully achieving any goal.
10. Anything that you believe will happen is more likely to happen because you will find ways (both consciously and unconsciously) to make sure it happens, and anything that you don’t believe will happen is less likely to happen because you will find ways to make sure it doesn’t happen; this fact is known as the ‘self-fulfilling prophesy’.
11. The parent should never let their love for their child prevent them from doing what is right for their child (for example neglecting to correct the child when he/she does wrong).
12. If there is a conflict of interests, the requirements of Islam have priority over the desires of the child (for example, if the child would rather play than pray).
13. Teach your child to love Allah, The Prophet, Islam, and Islamic values.
14. Teach your child to see all things and understand all things from the perspective of Islam.
15. In Islam if it becomes necessary to correct your child for some wrongdoing this must be done according to a certain hierarchy: first, explain to your child in a gentle way how they have overstepped some limit from rightness into wrong; second, if the gentle instruction does not result in the child correcting that wrong behaviour, you should indicate your disapproval of that wrong behaviour by withdrawing your favour (for example, do not give smiles, hugs or kind words to your child at such times); and third, only as a last resort, your child can be physically punished (beaten) if they do not correct the wrong behaviour.
16. In Islam if it becomes necessary for you to beat your child there are specific rules and limitations: you may not hit your child on the face or stomach, you may not hit your child more than a maximum of three times, and you may not hit your child hard enough to leave a cut or bruise on the skin.
17. You should never hit your child when you are angry, not only are you then more likely to become excessive in your punishment but doing so will teach your child that it is right to hit people when they are angry.
18. It is important to realize that if you reach a point where you feel it is necessary to beat your child then something has gone badly wrong, and you previously have not done all you could have done to avoid this becoming necessary.
19. It is a fact of learning that you cannot punish a child without harming him/her, so punishment can only become necessary if you have no positive alternative, and the good that comes from being punished will outweigh the harm you do to your child.
20. Remember, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never once hit a child, a woman or a servant.
21. Do not argue with your child, as there is almost never any benefit in doing so.
22. Although your child might well choose to pray at a younger age, at seven years of age your child should be required to pray through gentle encouragement; and, at ten years of age your child can be beaten for not praying, although this circumstance should never arise with correct Islamic parenting.
23. Your child should be taught to memorize the Qur’an, the benefits are many and much wider in scope than is often believed in these modern times.
24. At every age there must be appropriate rights given to your child and necessary limits set upon your child’s behaviour, which will allow your child to fully explore their human potential while not causing harm to themselves, harm to others or damage to their surroundings.
25. If you see your child doing something wrong it is usually not even necessary to mention the thing that is wrong, instead, it is often sufficient (and always more desirable) only to say how much you like the right thing which is the opposite of the wrong being done.
26. You should not expose your child’s failings or wrongdoings in front of others, if this must be done it is best if it be done privately.
27. Don’t give much attention to the bad or wrong things your child does and says, but give lots of attention to the good or right things your child does and says.
28. You should, of course, always love your child unconditionally, but you should only express that love at times which are most beneficial to your child.
29. You should at all times be a model of a good and right human being (Muslim) for your child.
EFFECTIVE ISLAMIC PARENTING
Read each morning!!!
1. I am raising my child to be a successful vicegerent (khalifah) of Allah, who will help create a truly Islamic World.
2. Today I will try my best to know and understand all the influences upon my child’s development.
3. Today I will try my best to help my child understand the power of negative influences to take him/her away from Allah, and the power of positive influences to take him/her to Allah.
4. Today I will try my best to shield my child from the power of the negative influences to take him/her away from Allah.
5. Today I will try my best to enhance (increase) the power of the positive influences upon my child to take him/her toward Allah.
6. Today I will try my best to notice some positive things my child does or says, and tell him/her how much those things are appreciated by me and by Allah.
7. Today I will try my best to say nothing negative to my child. Even if I have to correct my child’s wrong behaviour I will try my best to find some positive way to do so.
8. Today I will love my child unconditionally, but I will try my best to express that love at times which are most beneficial to my child.
9. Today I will try my best to be an example of a good and right human being (Muslim) for my child.
10. Today I will pray for Allah’s help that I can be a good parent for my child.
25 Values Little Khalifah Must Have
To my dearest sons...read & apply...
[ Availability | Compassion | Co-operation | Cleanliness | Community Spirit | Dependability | Diligence | Discernment | Enthusiasm | Forgiveness | Faith | Generosity | Gratefulness | Humility | Integrity | Loyalty | Obedience | Orderliness | Patience | Responsibility | Respect | Self-Control | Sincerity | Tolerance | Truthfulness ]
As Little Khalifah, we must always be caring and loving and be nice to each other and we must always be available to our friends. We must always love our parents, family, friends and other people around us.
What does it mean to be available? Well, to be available means that we will always be around whenever somebody needs us. Be ready to lend an ear to listen to our friends' problems shall also mean that we are available.
Compassion means to have a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the sufferings and extending helps wherever and whenever we can to those in need.
As Little Khalifah, we must always be considerate, courteous, helpful, and understanding of others. We must always show that we care by treating others as we would like them to treat us.
Co-operation means to be willing to be helpful and work together to achieve common goal and purposes. The ability to listen to our parents and help them get tasks done is part of co-operation.
As Little Khalifah, we must always co-operate and the following are what we must do:-
o Listen carefully to others and be sure to understand what they are saying.
o Share when we have something that others would like to have.
o Take Turns when there is something that nobody wants to do, or when more than one person wants to do the same thing at the same time.
o Compromise when we have a serious conflict. Talk it out!
o Do our part the very best that we possibly can. This will inspire others to do the same.
o Show appreciation to people for what they have contributed.
o Encourage people to do their best.
o Make people feel needed.
o Don't isolate or exclude anyone.
Cleanliness means to be free from dirt, filth and evil doing, not only physically through our body and matters around us but also spiritually through the mind and heart.
What does it really mean to be clean?
o Physical cleanliness means that our body and the environment around us are free from dirt, filth and evil doings.
o Mind cleanliness means that our thoughts are free from bad intentions.
o Heart cleanliness means that our feelings are free from bad desires but rich of virtuous qualities.
Little Khalifah must always be clean. Little Khalifah should always:-
o Wash our hands because they may be full of harmful germs. Can you imagine the germs sticking onto your hands, and ready to be transferred to your food, hence going into your body via the food that you eat? Of course, we do not wish for these germs to enter our body! So, we need to wash our hands, especially before we touch our food, eat or tending to a wound and definitely after touching dirty things, using the toilet or touching the animals.
We do not want these germs to get into our body and attack our cells, do we?
o Brush our teeth to avoid harmful germs from attacking our gums. When we eat, remnants of food shall be left in our mouth and in between our teeth. If we do not brush our teeth, these remnants shall become rotten. This will damage our gums and teeth and give us bad breath. So, it is best to brush our teeth first thing in the morning as well as every time after we take our food.
o Take our bath - we need to take shower at least twice a day. Taking shower everyday will make our body smell good and when our body smells good, we feel good.
o Have toilet manners - Regardless whether we are using the toilet at home or in public, remember to:-
1. Wear slippers to enter
2. Sit properly
3. Wash up our private parts
4. Don't forget to flush the toilet
5. Make sure we have not left anything we shouldn't
6. Wash our feet
7. Lastly, wash our hands with soap.
Remember! When our parents ask us to wash our hands, brush our teeth or take a shower or practice toilet manners, they are not being mean. They do this because they love their children very much and they want to protect their children from harmful germs. They only want to see their children live healthy and happy lives!
After all, clean body makes healthy body. That is one of the values Little Khalifah must have!
Community Spirit means caring about and working for what is the best for the whole community.
A community is a group of people that live in the same area and practice the same customs. Our neighbors are our community. Our friends in school are also our community.
Community spirit occurs when we live together in a happy way, have respect for one another, and help each other. With a good community spirit, we will live in peace and harmony. Parents, siblings, uncles and aunties, cousins, friends, neighbours, teachers and everybody around us make up our community too.
Little Khalifah must always have good community spirit!
Dependability means being reliable, trustworthy, constant and steadfast. A dependable person persists or endures in a responsibility until the job is complete. As Little Khalifah, we must always be dependable all the time. We must be good to our parents, families, teachers and friends, so that we know that our parents, families, teachers and friends can depend on us. It is an honor to have somebody depending on us as it shows that we are reliable and trustworthy!
Diligence means doing things in proper time - Investing all energies to complete whatever tasks. Little Khalifah needs to do the right things right the first time and always try to make a difference. Little Khalifah must always keep their promises and try to help one another all the time.
For example, Little Khalifah must always rise early in the morning, always take the initiatives to help with chores before we're asked to, and when Little Khalifah does the chores, he or she always go beyond assignments that he or she has been asked to do, must always honor our parents and speak well of them all the time and must always take up chores nobody else wants to do.
To discern is to respect, celebrate, explore and test the desire to serve. What is discernment? Discernment means understanding the deeper reasons why things happen. If something bad happens to us, we must use reason to understand why it happens & maybe we will find wisdom behind it.
What is enthusiasm? Enthusiasm is a source or cause of great excitement or interest, and to really care a lot about something. Let's imagine the time when we see something we like! We get excited all over it, don't we? And we become very enthusiastic about it too! So, in order to be enthusiastic, Little Khalifah needs to like doing what we're doing and it automatically reflects our enthusiasm.
Forgiveness means to pardon and not take any revenge.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is when we excuse and pardon a person (i.e. friends, sisters, brothers, relatives, anybody) for doing something wrong to us which may hurt our feelings or harm us in some way.
Little Khalifah must always forgive and forget. And when Little Khalifah does something wrong to other people, he or she must always apologize and say sorry to them. It is o.k. to admit that we're wrong, you know!
o Forgive our friend, and Allah will give us rewards
o If we want others to forgive us, we must be willing to forgive others too
o Allah loves those who love to forgive other people.
To have faith in God is to believe without evidence.
Listen and learn when our parents, teachers, families or someone teach us regarding faith.
Little Khalifah, here are some tips on how to be faithful:-
o Love Allah with all our heart
o Pray and visit the mosque
o Be responsible towards Allah
o Always Believe and remember Allah
o Always be good to others
o Always appreciate and thank Allah for whatever that has happened
What is generosity? Generosity is to be kind and to willingly give things that you possess, tangible and intangible. In simple terms, generosity is to be kind to others; willing to spend and give our possessions, money, time, and everything that we love to others who are in need.
As Little Khalifah, we must always
o Try to avoid from being stingy
o Try not to be too selfish
o Offer help to anybody who needs help
What is gratefulness? Gratefulness is to appreciate and be thankful for everything that we get.
o Little Khalifah should be thankful to Allah who has given us everything that we need. Allah has given us food, shelter, health, wealth and loads of other things.
o Little Khalifah should be thankful to our parents who give their love and take care of us.
o Little Khalifah should be thankful to our teachers, friends, relatives and anyone who help us.
What is humility? Humility is being humble and modest. It is the opposite of pride and arrogant.
As Little Khalifah, we must always be humble by doing or not doing the following:-
o Do not ever raise our voice towards our parents, old folks, teachers, people and friends.
o Respect our parents and the old people and treat them gently.
o Do not spend our money buying expensive and unnecessary stuff.
What is integrity? Integrity means being rightful in words and conducts. Integrity means goodness, morality, honesty, righteousness and sincerity. To be a person of integrity is to be a good person, good in conduct and in speech.
Little Khalifah must always
o Speak only the truth, never tell a lie.
o Be honest in dealing with others.
o Be sincere in everything we do.
Loyalty is the state or quality of being faithful to a person, ideal or custom. Little Khalifah should always be loyal to our siblings, family, school, nation, and most importantly, our religion. We may argue and fight as typical siblings at home, but beyond our home, we may experience situations in which we may feel the need to defend our brother or sister. Well, that is what we call loyalty.
What is Obedience? Obedience means submission to an authority.
o As Little Khalifah, we need to obey those who are older than us, especially our parents, elder brother or sister, grandparents, etc.
o As Little Khalifah, we need to obey our religion by way of doing what Allah has asked us to do and not doing what Allah has asked us not to do.
o As Little Khalifah, we need to obey our teachers and those in authority at the school.
What is orderliness? Orderliness means keeping everything neatly in its right place. Orderliness is how we organize and arrange objects and our belongings in a harmonious way, how we use our time wisely and how to do tasks efficiently.
Other related words:
o Organized
o Punctual
o Tidy
o Neat
o Prompt
Little Khalifah must be orderly and the following are the daily attitude of Little Khalifah:-
o Arrive at School on time.
o Come to School with our hair combed and tidy complete with head gears and our clothes well-ironed.
o Turn in homework on time.
o Have an organized desk even on days the teacher does not require desk cleaning.
o Get our homework finished before going to our friend's house or doing other things.
o Return lost things to their rightful owners.
o Put things back where they belong.
o Keep our work, room and play areas clean and neat.
Patience means the power of suffering with fortitude, restraining oneself reaction when faced with an unpleasant situation
Little Khalifah must always be patient. Here are some tips on how to be patient:
o Little Khalifah must be knowledgable
know that our souls, families and wealth belong to Allah
know we are on the journey and the destination is the hereafter
accept everything happens as qada' and qadar
understand what things cause harm, imperfection and evil.
o Little Khalifah must watch all our actions
treat well the person who mistreated you
try always to forgive and forget
always be conscious in our hearts and minds of Allah's nimaah
strengthen your patience through reason and religious feeling by:
a. thinking of the blessings and favours of Allâh
b. thinking of the wrath and punishment of Allâh
c. relishing the idea of defeating the Shaytân and being victorious over him
d. thinking of the special companionship of Allah
e. taking it into everyday life, in all your actions
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Responsibility means act the way you should whether or not anyone is watching.
How to learn to be responsible:-
o listen to parents, elders, teachers and others.
o Know the attributes of responsibility.
o Watch for opportunities to be responsible.
o Know what is good and do good whenever you can.
o Activate skills to acquire character.
o Value good for its many benefits.
o Avoid situations that lead to negative consequences.
o Reject destructive behavior.
o Learn from mistakes.
o Overcome obstacles.
Respect means showing regards and appreciation for the worth of other people and things
Respect is really important in our life and it is a crucial element in building healthy relationships. Kids with respect are those who show respect to parents, elders, other people, respect laws, other living things and the environment.
Little Khalifah must always show respect when treating other people, other living things and the environment with consideration and kindness and Little Khalifah should not hurt them physically, mentally or verbally. In our everyday life, we expect people to be good to us and we also expect people to give respect to us. In order to receive respect, we must first give respect.
As Little Khalifah, we should always:-
o Listen to our elders
o Keep unkind thoughts to ourselves
o Speak kindly to parents, teachers and others
o Play fairly and wait for our turn
o Raise our hand before talking
o Practice saying "please", "excuse me" and "thank you"
o Clean up after ourselves
o Share with one another
What Students and Kids have to say about Respect:
o Respect is when you are kind. Respect is when you are kind to people then they are kind to you. Treat people like you want to be treated.
o Respect is listening to the teacher.
o Respect means listening to people that are older than you. When people are disrespectful to me, I feel bad.
o I respect my friends in school because I like my friends and my friends like me.
o Respect is listening and obeying your parents.
o Respect is when you don't interrupt other people's conversations; rather, wait until they have finished speaking, or say "excuse me" if you need to interrupt for urgent reasons.
o Remember to say "please" and "thank you" as much as possible when other people provide assistance.
o Respect other people's property and ask permission before handling or borrowing it.
Self-Control is the power of controlling one's external reactions, emotions, etc.
o Little Khalifah must always control our behavior.
o Little Khalifah must not lose control in situations that are frustrating or difficult.
o If Little Khalifah is not able to control him or herself, there will be logical consequences that may come as a result of our poor choices and behavior.
o Little Khalifah should think about the situation that is causing him or her to lose control and then, start analyzing it.
o If Little Khalifah is in such position that results in losing control, loosen up and relax by remembering Allah always.
o Little Khalifah must always talk through troubling situation rather than losing control.
However, not everybody knows about self-control and there are people who react in a bad way. As Little Khalifah, we should always:-
o Not let ourselves lose control regardless of how the other person is. Resist the urge to yell as that can only escalate the situation.
o Be firm.
o Calmly inform the other person that it is not acceptable to lose control and explain the consequences of losing control.
Sincerity means sanctification of one's speech and action from every blemish of soul's desire.
Sincerity is one of the prominent values of a noble character. Sincerity means pure, genuine, real, true and honest. A sincere person is the one who is true to his words and acts; his words and actions manifest his sincere thoughts, he means what he says, and will be have the same when he/she is in public or otherwise.
Little Khalifah must always be sincere. Little Khalifah can show that we're sincere as we would be eager to do what is right and with clear intentions. But, of course, we must not do something right with the wrong or self-centered intentions as that would show that we're not sincere.
Well, it's not difficult to be sincere if we really want. I'm sure in our heart and mind that we all like sincere people and we also love people to know us as a sincere person.
Tolerance means unconditional acceptance of regardless of differences; religious belief; race, gender etc.
Tolerance is a way of thinking, feeling and acting that recognizes and respects the opinions, practices or behavior of others.
Think! How would you feel if:-
o We are ignored by our classmate because we are fat?
o A friend of ours was mocked by other kids for wearing thick glasses?
o Our brother/sister was bullied by other peers because he/she belongs to a different ethnic group?
o Spend few moments of your time to think about and feel the above situation.
Little Khalifah! There are many way we can avoid such discrimination. Below are things we and others can do to practice our tolerance;
o Offer help to those in trouble
o Be concerned about everyone
o Be fair minded and balanced in our judgments
o Be kind toward the ill-mannered
o Strengthen the value of tolerance in yourself by creating wide and diverse social interactions.
o Be friends with everybody.
o Try to learn new experiences from others.
o Avoid pre-judgment on others.
Little Khalifah! Always check our intuition before doing something. Treat others the way we want to be treated. Feel about others the way we want them to feel about us. Think about and remember others the way we want them to think about and remember us.
Truthfulness means struggling to preserve one's integrity and to avoid hypocrisy and lying.
Lying is not good, it keeps us apart from TRUTHFULNESS, one of the virtues necessary for civilized human development. So, it is our responsibility to make truthfulness loved in our heart and in our society.
Litltle Khalifah! Let us define truthfulness. In simple terms, it is defined as the practice of speaking what is true.
However, we should look at it in a broader sense, truthfulness means a struggle to preserve one's integrity and to avoid lying, even in strained situations when a lie will cause some benefit. Thus, truthfulness demands us to be true in our words, thoughts and actions, to ourselves and to others, regardless of the circumstances.
The person who is not truthful to self and others always feels insecure, and is unable to achieve the highest potential of the self.
Here are some practical guides to truthfulness!
Be frank and sincere
o Treat others with frankness and sincerity
o Avoid suspicion or disbelieve unless we become aware of some falsehood.
Be a model of truthfulness
o Promote truthfulness to our friends and siblings, but make sure we ourselves practice it!
Admit mistakes
o Admit our mistake sincerely, never try to lie to save ourselves from our own mistakes. But, never let the same mistakes happen again.
o The worst thing is when we try to swear to the truthfulness of a lie to justify our mistakes! So, never commit it.
Dear Little khalifah! Remember that truthfulness manifests dignified personality, insight and generosity! And who does not want to be liked and loved by others? Ask yourself!
Here are some of the practical signs of truthfulness
I will tell the truth anytime, anywhere.
I will encourage others to be truthful.
I will not cheat or steal.
I will admit when I am wrong.
I will not exaggerate to make things seem different than what they are.
And here are some of the important questions for you!
How would I feel if my friends cheat on me?
What would my parents think of me if I cheat them?
How long can I hide my mischievous actions?
Do I like to be cheated? How about others, do they?
[ Availability | Compassion | Co-operation | Cleanliness | Community Spirit | Dependability | Diligence | Discernment | Enthusiasm | Forgiveness | Faith | Generosity | Gratefulness | Humility | Integrity | Loyalty | Obedience | Orderliness | Patience | Responsibility | Respect | Self-Control | Sincerity | Tolerance | Truthfulness ]
[ Availability | Compassion | Co-operation | Cleanliness | Community Spirit | Dependability | Diligence | Discernment | Enthusiasm | Forgiveness | Faith | Generosity | Gratefulness | Humility | Integrity | Loyalty | Obedience | Orderliness | Patience | Responsibility | Respect | Self-Control | Sincerity | Tolerance | Truthfulness ]
As Little Khalifah, we must always be caring and loving and be nice to each other and we must always be available to our friends. We must always love our parents, family, friends and other people around us.
What does it mean to be available? Well, to be available means that we will always be around whenever somebody needs us. Be ready to lend an ear to listen to our friends' problems shall also mean that we are available.
Compassion means to have a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the sufferings and extending helps wherever and whenever we can to those in need.
As Little Khalifah, we must always be considerate, courteous, helpful, and understanding of others. We must always show that we care by treating others as we would like them to treat us.
Co-operation means to be willing to be helpful and work together to achieve common goal and purposes. The ability to listen to our parents and help them get tasks done is part of co-operation.
As Little Khalifah, we must always co-operate and the following are what we must do:-
o Listen carefully to others and be sure to understand what they are saying.
o Share when we have something that others would like to have.
o Take Turns when there is something that nobody wants to do, or when more than one person wants to do the same thing at the same time.
o Compromise when we have a serious conflict. Talk it out!
o Do our part the very best that we possibly can. This will inspire others to do the same.
o Show appreciation to people for what they have contributed.
o Encourage people to do their best.
o Make people feel needed.
o Don't isolate or exclude anyone.
Cleanliness means to be free from dirt, filth and evil doing, not only physically through our body and matters around us but also spiritually through the mind and heart.
What does it really mean to be clean?
o Physical cleanliness means that our body and the environment around us are free from dirt, filth and evil doings.
o Mind cleanliness means that our thoughts are free from bad intentions.
o Heart cleanliness means that our feelings are free from bad desires but rich of virtuous qualities.
Little Khalifah must always be clean. Little Khalifah should always:-
o Wash our hands because they may be full of harmful germs. Can you imagine the germs sticking onto your hands, and ready to be transferred to your food, hence going into your body via the food that you eat? Of course, we do not wish for these germs to enter our body! So, we need to wash our hands, especially before we touch our food, eat or tending to a wound and definitely after touching dirty things, using the toilet or touching the animals.
We do not want these germs to get into our body and attack our cells, do we?
o Brush our teeth to avoid harmful germs from attacking our gums. When we eat, remnants of food shall be left in our mouth and in between our teeth. If we do not brush our teeth, these remnants shall become rotten. This will damage our gums and teeth and give us bad breath. So, it is best to brush our teeth first thing in the morning as well as every time after we take our food.
o Take our bath - we need to take shower at least twice a day. Taking shower everyday will make our body smell good and when our body smells good, we feel good.
o Have toilet manners - Regardless whether we are using the toilet at home or in public, remember to:-
1. Wear slippers to enter
2. Sit properly
3. Wash up our private parts
4. Don't forget to flush the toilet
5. Make sure we have not left anything we shouldn't
6. Wash our feet
7. Lastly, wash our hands with soap.
Remember! When our parents ask us to wash our hands, brush our teeth or take a shower or practice toilet manners, they are not being mean. They do this because they love their children very much and they want to protect their children from harmful germs. They only want to see their children live healthy and happy lives!
After all, clean body makes healthy body. That is one of the values Little Khalifah must have!
Community Spirit means caring about and working for what is the best for the whole community.
A community is a group of people that live in the same area and practice the same customs. Our neighbors are our community. Our friends in school are also our community.
Community spirit occurs when we live together in a happy way, have respect for one another, and help each other. With a good community spirit, we will live in peace and harmony. Parents, siblings, uncles and aunties, cousins, friends, neighbours, teachers and everybody around us make up our community too.
Little Khalifah must always have good community spirit!
Dependability means being reliable, trustworthy, constant and steadfast. A dependable person persists or endures in a responsibility until the job is complete. As Little Khalifah, we must always be dependable all the time. We must be good to our parents, families, teachers and friends, so that we know that our parents, families, teachers and friends can depend on us. It is an honor to have somebody depending on us as it shows that we are reliable and trustworthy!
Diligence means doing things in proper time - Investing all energies to complete whatever tasks. Little Khalifah needs to do the right things right the first time and always try to make a difference. Little Khalifah must always keep their promises and try to help one another all the time.
For example, Little Khalifah must always rise early in the morning, always take the initiatives to help with chores before we're asked to, and when Little Khalifah does the chores, he or she always go beyond assignments that he or she has been asked to do, must always honor our parents and speak well of them all the time and must always take up chores nobody else wants to do.
To discern is to respect, celebrate, explore and test the desire to serve. What is discernment? Discernment means understanding the deeper reasons why things happen. If something bad happens to us, we must use reason to understand why it happens & maybe we will find wisdom behind it.
What is enthusiasm? Enthusiasm is a source or cause of great excitement or interest, and to really care a lot about something. Let's imagine the time when we see something we like! We get excited all over it, don't we? And we become very enthusiastic about it too! So, in order to be enthusiastic, Little Khalifah needs to like doing what we're doing and it automatically reflects our enthusiasm.
Forgiveness means to pardon and not take any revenge.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is when we excuse and pardon a person (i.e. friends, sisters, brothers, relatives, anybody) for doing something wrong to us which may hurt our feelings or harm us in some way.
Little Khalifah must always forgive and forget. And when Little Khalifah does something wrong to other people, he or she must always apologize and say sorry to them. It is o.k. to admit that we're wrong, you know!
o Forgive our friend, and Allah will give us rewards
o If we want others to forgive us, we must be willing to forgive others too
o Allah loves those who love to forgive other people.
To have faith in God is to believe without evidence.
Listen and learn when our parents, teachers, families or someone teach us regarding faith.
Little Khalifah, here are some tips on how to be faithful:-
o Love Allah with all our heart
o Pray and visit the mosque
o Be responsible towards Allah
o Always Believe and remember Allah
o Always be good to others
o Always appreciate and thank Allah for whatever that has happened
What is generosity? Generosity is to be kind and to willingly give things that you possess, tangible and intangible. In simple terms, generosity is to be kind to others; willing to spend and give our possessions, money, time, and everything that we love to others who are in need.
As Little Khalifah, we must always
o Try to avoid from being stingy
o Try not to be too selfish
o Offer help to anybody who needs help
What is gratefulness? Gratefulness is to appreciate and be thankful for everything that we get.
o Little Khalifah should be thankful to Allah who has given us everything that we need. Allah has given us food, shelter, health, wealth and loads of other things.
o Little Khalifah should be thankful to our parents who give their love and take care of us.
o Little Khalifah should be thankful to our teachers, friends, relatives and anyone who help us.
What is humility? Humility is being humble and modest. It is the opposite of pride and arrogant.
As Little Khalifah, we must always be humble by doing or not doing the following:-
o Do not ever raise our voice towards our parents, old folks, teachers, people and friends.
o Respect our parents and the old people and treat them gently.
o Do not spend our money buying expensive and unnecessary stuff.
What is integrity? Integrity means being rightful in words and conducts. Integrity means goodness, morality, honesty, righteousness and sincerity. To be a person of integrity is to be a good person, good in conduct and in speech.
Little Khalifah must always
o Speak only the truth, never tell a lie.
o Be honest in dealing with others.
o Be sincere in everything we do.
Loyalty is the state or quality of being faithful to a person, ideal or custom. Little Khalifah should always be loyal to our siblings, family, school, nation, and most importantly, our religion. We may argue and fight as typical siblings at home, but beyond our home, we may experience situations in which we may feel the need to defend our brother or sister. Well, that is what we call loyalty.
What is Obedience? Obedience means submission to an authority.
o As Little Khalifah, we need to obey those who are older than us, especially our parents, elder brother or sister, grandparents, etc.
o As Little Khalifah, we need to obey our religion by way of doing what Allah has asked us to do and not doing what Allah has asked us not to do.
o As Little Khalifah, we need to obey our teachers and those in authority at the school.
What is orderliness? Orderliness means keeping everything neatly in its right place. Orderliness is how we organize and arrange objects and our belongings in a harmonious way, how we use our time wisely and how to do tasks efficiently.
Other related words:
o Organized
o Punctual
o Tidy
o Neat
o Prompt
Little Khalifah must be orderly and the following are the daily attitude of Little Khalifah:-
o Arrive at School on time.
o Come to School with our hair combed and tidy complete with head gears and our clothes well-ironed.
o Turn in homework on time.
o Have an organized desk even on days the teacher does not require desk cleaning.
o Get our homework finished before going to our friend's house or doing other things.
o Return lost things to their rightful owners.
o Put things back where they belong.
o Keep our work, room and play areas clean and neat.
Patience means the power of suffering with fortitude, restraining oneself reaction when faced with an unpleasant situation
Little Khalifah must always be patient. Here are some tips on how to be patient:
o Little Khalifah must be knowledgable
know that our souls, families and wealth belong to Allah
know we are on the journey and the destination is the hereafter
accept everything happens as qada' and qadar
understand what things cause harm, imperfection and evil.
o Little Khalifah must watch all our actions
treat well the person who mistreated you
try always to forgive and forget
always be conscious in our hearts and minds of Allah's nimaah
strengthen your patience through reason and religious feeling by:
a. thinking of the blessings and favours of Allâh
b. thinking of the wrath and punishment of Allâh
c. relishing the idea of defeating the Shaytân and being victorious over him
d. thinking of the special companionship of Allah
e. taking it into everyday life, in all your actions
,/a>
Responsibility means act the way you should whether or not anyone is watching.
How to learn to be responsible:-
o listen to parents, elders, teachers and others.
o Know the attributes of responsibility.
o Watch for opportunities to be responsible.
o Know what is good and do good whenever you can.
o Activate skills to acquire character.
o Value good for its many benefits.
o Avoid situations that lead to negative consequences.
o Reject destructive behavior.
o Learn from mistakes.
o Overcome obstacles.
Respect means showing regards and appreciation for the worth of other people and things
Respect is really important in our life and it is a crucial element in building healthy relationships. Kids with respect are those who show respect to parents, elders, other people, respect laws, other living things and the environment.
Little Khalifah must always show respect when treating other people, other living things and the environment with consideration and kindness and Little Khalifah should not hurt them physically, mentally or verbally. In our everyday life, we expect people to be good to us and we also expect people to give respect to us. In order to receive respect, we must first give respect.
As Little Khalifah, we should always:-
o Listen to our elders
o Keep unkind thoughts to ourselves
o Speak kindly to parents, teachers and others
o Play fairly and wait for our turn
o Raise our hand before talking
o Practice saying "please", "excuse me" and "thank you"
o Clean up after ourselves
o Share with one another
What Students and Kids have to say about Respect:
o Respect is when you are kind. Respect is when you are kind to people then they are kind to you. Treat people like you want to be treated.
o Respect is listening to the teacher.
o Respect means listening to people that are older than you. When people are disrespectful to me, I feel bad.
o I respect my friends in school because I like my friends and my friends like me.
o Respect is listening and obeying your parents.
o Respect is when you don't interrupt other people's conversations; rather, wait until they have finished speaking, or say "excuse me" if you need to interrupt for urgent reasons.
o Remember to say "please" and "thank you" as much as possible when other people provide assistance.
o Respect other people's property and ask permission before handling or borrowing it.
Self-Control is the power of controlling one's external reactions, emotions, etc.
o Little Khalifah must always control our behavior.
o Little Khalifah must not lose control in situations that are frustrating or difficult.
o If Little Khalifah is not able to control him or herself, there will be logical consequences that may come as a result of our poor choices and behavior.
o Little Khalifah should think about the situation that is causing him or her to lose control and then, start analyzing it.
o If Little Khalifah is in such position that results in losing control, loosen up and relax by remembering Allah always.
o Little Khalifah must always talk through troubling situation rather than losing control.
However, not everybody knows about self-control and there are people who react in a bad way. As Little Khalifah, we should always:-
o Not let ourselves lose control regardless of how the other person is. Resist the urge to yell as that can only escalate the situation.
o Be firm.
o Calmly inform the other person that it is not acceptable to lose control and explain the consequences of losing control.
Sincerity means sanctification of one's speech and action from every blemish of soul's desire.
Sincerity is one of the prominent values of a noble character. Sincerity means pure, genuine, real, true and honest. A sincere person is the one who is true to his words and acts; his words and actions manifest his sincere thoughts, he means what he says, and will be have the same when he/she is in public or otherwise.
Little Khalifah must always be sincere. Little Khalifah can show that we're sincere as we would be eager to do what is right and with clear intentions. But, of course, we must not do something right with the wrong or self-centered intentions as that would show that we're not sincere.
Well, it's not difficult to be sincere if we really want. I'm sure in our heart and mind that we all like sincere people and we also love people to know us as a sincere person.
Tolerance means unconditional acceptance of regardless of differences; religious belief; race, gender etc.
Tolerance is a way of thinking, feeling and acting that recognizes and respects the opinions, practices or behavior of others.
Think! How would you feel if:-
o We are ignored by our classmate because we are fat?
o A friend of ours was mocked by other kids for wearing thick glasses?
o Our brother/sister was bullied by other peers because he/she belongs to a different ethnic group?
o Spend few moments of your time to think about and feel the above situation.
Little Khalifah! There are many way we can avoid such discrimination. Below are things we and others can do to practice our tolerance;
o Offer help to those in trouble
o Be concerned about everyone
o Be fair minded and balanced in our judgments
o Be kind toward the ill-mannered
o Strengthen the value of tolerance in yourself by creating wide and diverse social interactions.
o Be friends with everybody.
o Try to learn new experiences from others.
o Avoid pre-judgment on others.
Little Khalifah! Always check our intuition before doing something. Treat others the way we want to be treated. Feel about others the way we want them to feel about us. Think about and remember others the way we want them to think about and remember us.
Truthfulness means struggling to preserve one's integrity and to avoid hypocrisy and lying.
Lying is not good, it keeps us apart from TRUTHFULNESS, one of the virtues necessary for civilized human development. So, it is our responsibility to make truthfulness loved in our heart and in our society.
Litltle Khalifah! Let us define truthfulness. In simple terms, it is defined as the practice of speaking what is true.
However, we should look at it in a broader sense, truthfulness means a struggle to preserve one's integrity and to avoid lying, even in strained situations when a lie will cause some benefit. Thus, truthfulness demands us to be true in our words, thoughts and actions, to ourselves and to others, regardless of the circumstances.
The person who is not truthful to self and others always feels insecure, and is unable to achieve the highest potential of the self.
Here are some practical guides to truthfulness!
Be frank and sincere
o Treat others with frankness and sincerity
o Avoid suspicion or disbelieve unless we become aware of some falsehood.
Be a model of truthfulness
o Promote truthfulness to our friends and siblings, but make sure we ourselves practice it!
Admit mistakes
o Admit our mistake sincerely, never try to lie to save ourselves from our own mistakes. But, never let the same mistakes happen again.
o The worst thing is when we try to swear to the truthfulness of a lie to justify our mistakes! So, never commit it.
Dear Little khalifah! Remember that truthfulness manifests dignified personality, insight and generosity! And who does not want to be liked and loved by others? Ask yourself!
Here are some of the practical signs of truthfulness
I will tell the truth anytime, anywhere.
I will encourage others to be truthful.
I will not cheat or steal.
I will admit when I am wrong.
I will not exaggerate to make things seem different than what they are.
And here are some of the important questions for you!
How would I feel if my friends cheat on me?
What would my parents think of me if I cheat them?
How long can I hide my mischievous actions?
Do I like to be cheated? How about others, do they?
[ Availability | Compassion | Co-operation | Cleanliness | Community Spirit | Dependability | Diligence | Discernment | Enthusiasm | Forgiveness | Faith | Generosity | Gratefulness | Humility | Integrity | Loyalty | Obedience | Orderliness | Patience | Responsibility | Respect | Self-Control | Sincerity | Tolerance | Truthfulness ]
Friday, September 23, 2005
Adam Danial
Adam Danial my third child was born on 7th February 2003. He was born at Hospital Tawakkal by Dr Siti Zaleha. The reason why he was born in Tawakkal & not Ampang Puteri as his brothers are due to the fact that Celcom has discontinued Ampang Puteri as our panel at that particular time. So, I decided to try Dr Siti Zaleha from Hospital Tawakkal as advised by my friend Laili.
Alhamdulillah, although Tawakkal is an old hospital & I did panicked when I first step into the labor room, everything goes well. Anyway on second thought, this maybe my last time there since I keep on comparing the labor room condition, ward condition, nursery room with Ampang Puteri & pssst...the thruth is Ampang Puteri is our panel again. However, I must admit that the service is very much the same. It’s just the environment which is totally different that I felt not comfortable. Whatever it is, Dr Zaleha was one superb doctor who is SO SO patient, understanding & motherly type. Maybe once Tawakkal has moved to the new building at IHJN, I might consider for my next delivery there. Insyaallah...
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Muhammad Aiman Khaliff
Aiman, our second son was born on 2nd of January 2000 at Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital by Dr. Ashar Malik. (husband of Dato Dr Jemilah).
As at the date I am writing this (23rd Sept 2005), Aiman is already 5 years old.
He is now studying in Tadika Riang at Taman Melur a kindergarten near our house.
I can say that Aiman is a fast learner & although I am more focusing towards Ariff who is already in Standard 1, I did noticed that Aiman has learnt & progressed more than I have expected.
Maybe the fact that he’s the second one, he is very independent. I can hardly count the times that I need to ask him to do his homework since he normally finished it the moment he’s back from school.
I just hope that this behavior will last forever. Amin…
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